Am I a bad son? Am I being irrational?
Am I a bad son to my mother and step father for being angry/upset?
I could go on forever about this but it’s better if I give bullet points to sum it up for your sake:
-parents divorced and remarried at age 13 (I’m 25 now)
-we lived in Maine but I went to school in MA and eventually moved permanently (2hours away)
-whenever I visited Maine I always divided time b/w mother + father
-mother and step father were always distant but always pull the "we don’t want to smoother you" card… called maybe 2 times (MAYBE) a year and whenever I called they always had excuses… tired… didn’t hear phone… whatever.
-mother has breast cancer and survives but stops working (which when I was in college I left immediately for a while when I heard)… I admit I should have been in Maine more but I couldn’t skip more college without failing. my sister was there living with them so she wasn’t alone
-neighbor cuts down some trees on property causing issues and lawyers got involved
-they had just been on trip to Hawaii and asked me for a loan… figured they paid for 90% of my college so I gave them a $10k loan for lawyer fee.
-she continually said she’d pay me back and the tree situation would settle in court in less than a yr.
-again they ask for a loan when i visit during thanksgiving… mind you my sister works and lives at their home for free (for past 3-4 years).. And they want another 10k (7months later)… i break down because hell… i work as a recruiter and the economy is awful… i declined
-in august my mother gets a brand new laptop… and a top of the line one for basically Word… i keep my mouth shut
-step father loses job (only income in house hold)… they don’t tell me for quite some time. i find out and of course i know now i wont get my 10k back for years – if at all
-one day I get a call, "we’re moving out to CA next weekend." thanks for the heads up…….
-months go by and i basically explode on them because well… they never call (again they claim smothering… and I said… i have a cell… if i wanted to ignore it i can)
-communication gets better and I’m thinking all is good
NOW HERE’S THE KICKER!
-i call and call… phone off? disco? days go by… then I get an email: "we’re in Maine." Thanks for calling!!!!!!!!
-4 days later mother calls and is still in maine and step father returns. i explain how shitty it is that they’re within 100 miles and i don’t get a heads up sooner? again claims im being angry and selfish… i argue it’s because i care.
-turns out renting out their house became an issue… long story short it shouldn’t even matter… takes 2 seconds to call someone you want to see and say "we’re busy but in maine… would love to see you"
-now i have 3 weeks to get all my **** out of the house from attic/basement (granted my apt is small)
-i basically hung up crying…. cause my step father who i love just left… i’ll be lucky to see him in 1 yr.
-you could argue that i could fly out to CA but i am not rich and they only visited me once in MA in 3 years…. from maine………
I’m just kinda pissed right now and need to know if I’m being irrational… my girlfriend says im not but i need someone unbiased.
Thanks.
no your not, you feel neglected, and unimportant, completely rational reaction. Your fine, but please, don’t hold a grudge forever, its ok to be angry and its ok to refuse to make an effort when they didn’t make one for you, but draw yourself a boundry so that you don’t over do the whole "they suck and you need support thing", ok? let yourself feel angry now, but don’t hold onto that anger. Goodluck!
you are so not a bad son. you can see thru their deception.
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You are not being irrational. They are.
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If what you said is all true I’d say you are acting normally. I won’t give you any opinions on your situation but I do feel sorry for you. Keep your chin up. The world has a way of repaying the good and making the bad face consequences. Even though it might take a long time. You’ll get your rewards some day. Take care man.
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Life.
Sounds like you were raised by parasites. Honoring your parents is one thing but getting treated like a piggy bank with no strings is quite different.
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You have the right to be angry and upset. I know I would be. Your girlfriend’s right, you’re not being irrational.
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no your not, you feel neglected, and unimportant, completely rational reaction. Your fine, but please, don’t hold a grudge forever, its ok to be angry and its ok to refuse to make an effort when they didn’t make one for you, but draw yourself a boundry so that you don’t over do the whole "they suck and you need support thing", ok? let yourself feel angry now, but don’t hold onto that anger. Goodluck!
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Definetly not, it sounds to me that you are a great son and that you are more like a parent to your parents than they are a parent to you, so cheer up and don’t worry about it, YOU ARE NOT BEING IRRATIONAL!!!
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No, you are not a bad son and you are not being irrational. If anything, that are being bad parents, but most likely, they are just having a hard time in their life and don’t know what to do for other peoples lives. You need to talk to them about this in person; maybe take them out to dinner, or if they are the kind of people that get mad easily, cook them dinner at their home. If you have no chance to see either of them in person, send them a long, well thought out e-mail. No matter what, do not act rude or too angry; you don’t want to fight fire with fire. You could also try talking to your sister to see what she thinks. Ask her what they usually do at home and if they really do have valid excuses for never answering the phone. Since she seems closer to your parents, if she agrees with you, then she can talk to them and they might listen more. Hope this helps and good luck!
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When my parents first got divorced, my dad ignored me and this advice helped me out a lot.
Not really.
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